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How To Set and Achieve Your Goals in the New Year

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”  – Henry David Thoreau

As we approach the New Year, 45% of Americans will set a New Year’s resolution.  The most common resolutions involve losing weight, getting organized, and spending less and saving more money.  The bummer is that only 8% of those will be successful in achieving their resolution.  Only 8%!

The dictionary defines resolution as a firm decision to do or not to do something.  Whereas, a goal is defined as the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

In years past I have resolved to exercise more and boy oh boy, those first three or four weeks were awesome!!  Next thing I knew excuses would slip in as to why something else was a better use of my time.  Sometimes that “something” was nothing but catching the latest episode of House Hunters International!

What went wrong?

Most people who fail in their New Year’s resolutions set unrealistic goals and/or expectations and oftentimes resolve to do something that they are not really ready to do.  In the case of my failed resolution attempt, it was not taking into account the type of exercise that would be fun and motivational for me, and setting overambitious, unrealistic goals—a surefire way to burn out.

As Thoreau points out in his statement above, it’s what you become by achieving your goals that is important.

We all want to be the best version of ourselves and lead meaningful lives, right?  If so, we must first get serious with deciding on what it is that we will resolve to do to become that best version of ourselves.

How do we do this?

We set goals that get to the heart of who or what we want to become.

Following are some tips and points to consider as you set your goals in an effort to be the best YOU for the New Year and beyond!

REFLECT on the past year—the good, the bad, and the ugly.  What were you most proud of, what did you enjoy the most, what failure can you learn from, what helped you to become more of the person you want to be?  Reflection will help you to examine and learn from your past experiences in order to fine-tune your future steps.

DON’T COPY someone else’s goals just because you think they’re awesome.  It’s ok to look to others for inspiration, but it’s critical to set goals that are realistic and unique to you.  As Oscar Wilde put it, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

BE INCLUSIVE.  It’s important to give attention to all areas in your life when setting goals.  If your goals are all centered on finances and you ignore the relationships in your life, then you will never achieve a life of balance or be the best version of yourself.  I broke down my goals this year into four categories: Well-being (includes exercise, diet, and spirituality), Relationships, Business, and Financial.  I then included 3-5 goals under each category.  Be careful about setting too many goals—overwhelming yourself like this can cause you to abandon ALL your goals.

THINK SMART.  S.M.A.R.T. goal-setting is a method used to define and break down goals in the following way: Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound.  Click here for an in-depth post I wrote about using this method.

WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN and you will be 42% more likely to achieve success with those goals.  Enough said.  Click here to check out Dr. Gail Matthews’ research on the subject.  By the way, I wrote my goals in a journal a friend gave me for Christmas and then I use this goal-setting worksheet I created to work on the details.

SHARE WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST.  I am a firm believer in having an accountability partner for certain goals.  This person can be someone actively involved in helping you to achieve your goals or they can be someone you periodically count on to bounce ideas off or receive a word of encouragement or advice from.  Please choose this person carefully–forget about the “smoke-blowers” and the naysayers and choose someone who has your best interest at heart.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!  You are your best advocate.  Don’t let negative self-talk make you believe something that is not true.

Wishing you a New Year filled with blessings!

One last thing…I’ve got some great stuff planned this next year for my blog. Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss a thing!  Just enter your email in the box above or below this post and you will receive new posts via email each week.

Jill xx

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Grief During the Holidays

Amidst the beauty and joy of the holidays, there is also some very deep grief being felt by many who have lost a loved one.

Whether it’s the first holiday celebrated without a loved one or the 10th anniversary of their death, the holidays really magnify the loss.

How can we help the holiday season be a little brighter this year for someone who is grieving?

While there is no perfect answer and each situation is different, the point is to make an effort to be sensitive to those who are grieving and show them love and compassion.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Send them a card letting them know you are thinking about them.
  • Call and tell them you are thinking about them. If they don’t answer, leave a short, sweet message.
  • Include them in your holiday celebrations, but graciously accept their refusal if they are not up to it.
  • Take them out for coffee, to a movie, or for a walk.
  • Be a good listener. This is a good time to keep your mouth closed.  Sometimes the things we say with an intention to comfort may produce the opposite result.
  • Tell them your favorite story about their loved one. From the day my mom died, almost 11 years ago, to now, I love it when people share their memories of her.
  • Pray for their hearts to be healed. “God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Grief.com offers the following list of ten of the best and worst things to say to someone in grief:

best and worst things to say to someone grieving from grief dot com

Have you lost a loved one?  Is there anything you would add to these lists?

If you are reading this and are grieving the loss of a loved one, I am so very sorry for your loss.   If you would like to share a story of your loved one or maybe just mention their name as a tribute here on this blog, it would be an honor.  I will start by leaving a comment myself.

Jill xx

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Overwhelmed by the Holidays?

Tis the season to be…..

Overwhelmed??

Wait a minute.  I thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year!

Each year I see more and more people running around trying to complete an insanely huge list of things they think they should get done during the holiday season.  It’s important to note that most of these people running around do not have smiles on their faces.

Did you know that holiday gift shopping is up 8% from last year and shoppers around the country say they are planning to spend an average of $861?  That’s a lot of money and who decided that more is more!  The upside this year is that 54% of these shoppers will not be adding to the traffic jams around town because they will be making their purchases online.

Whether you are in full overwhelm mode, are in denial of your state of overwhelm, or it’s just about to set in, here are a few suggestions to make this holiday season a little merrier and bright.

Prioritize.  What is the most important thing about the holiday season to you?  Put aside what you think you should do and decide what is truly important to you.  Is it spending time with family?  Volunteering in the community?  Having the best Christmas light show in town?  Make a list and spend your time on the top two to three items.  Chances are those items that fall to the bottom of the list are the culprits that kick you into overwhelm each year.  Get rid of them and don’t feel guilty about it.

Get Rid of the Guilt.  A lot of the guilt we feel during the holiday season is based on not meeting a list of unrealistic expectations.  Guess what?  When you create the priority list above, you are starting fresh and setting your own realistic expectations.  For example, for years I felt guilty when I didn’t send out Christmas cards.  The problem was that I wanted to personalize each and every one and that would take forever, so instead I didn’t do anything at all.  One year I decided to send a card to anyone I loved that was over the age of 80.  I accomplished my Christmas card task that year.  Granted, I only had to send 5 or 6 cards, but I did it.  The key was taking a task and making it manageable and realistic for me.

Curb the Cookie Cussing!  When you are cursing under your breath while baking the 27th batch of cookies, it may be time to step away from the rolling pin!  If you have committed to making cookies for your 27 closest friends, but hate every minute of it—stop it!  Your friends will still love you, even if you don’t deliver cookies to their doorstep this year.  Don’t want to deprive yourself of the entire baking experience?  Maybe making a batch of cookies with your family on Christmas Eve is more manageable and realistic for you.

Party Like It’s 1999 or Not!  Don’t feel that you have to attend every holiday party.  You may get uninvited in future years, I know I have, but adding 22 parties to your already busy schedule can drag you down.  Question?  Why does everyone and their brother choose to throw a party in December anyway?  I know our houses look pretty with all the decorations, but wouldn’t it be great if groups of friends would put the names of all the months in a hat and draw out their designated party month?  This way we would have a nice party to look forward to each month throughout the year!

Be a Blessing to Others.  There are lots of opportunities in each of our communities to be a blessing to those who are less fortunate or lonely.  Consider helping out at a homeless shelter or food bank, sing carols at a nursing home, visit a home-bound person who doesn’t have family around, or donate a gift for a child that may only receive that one gift.

How are you doing this holiday season?  Are you in the overwhelmed category or have you found a good balance?  Tell us about it in the comment section below.

Wishing you each a very peaceful and happy holiday season filled with love!

Jill xx

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Being a Person of Influence

If you ask someone who they think is the most influential person in history, you are likely to hear names like: Abraham Lincoln, Jesus, Michelangelo, Ghandi, Oprah, and Steve Jobs.

TIME magazine publishes The 100 Most Influential People issue each year.  Their recipients are placed in the following categories:

  • Titans
  • Pioneers
  • Artists
  • Leaders
  • Icons

The dictionary defines influence as the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.

Read that definition again slowly.

The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone…

Do you realize the incredible amount of influence you have right now?

You have influence on your family, your friends, your co-workers, the teller at the bank, your neighbor, the child you tutor…the list goes on.

Every interaction you have, every word that comes from your mouth, every look you give, has the power to influence someone—in a good way, or a bad way.

Influence is a double-edged sword, isnt’ it?  Jesus and Hitler were two very influential people, with two very different outcomes.  A parent making good decisions vs. a parent making bad decisions—both influential, with two very different outcomes.  A loyal friend vs. someone who betrays—both influential, with two very different outcomes.

The choice in how you influence others is yours.

You may not end up on the cover of TIME magazine, but that doesn’t matter.  You have the power to be an influential person–choose to be one of good influence, you probably already are.

Following are traits I see in the most influential people:

Honest.
Kind.
Helpful.
Encouraging.
Neighborly.
Supportive.
Understanding.
Forgiving.
Listens.
Receptive.
Shares their knowledge.
Loving.

Who is/was the most influential person in your life and why?  I would love to hear about this person.  Leave your comments below.

Have a great day!

Jill xx