Are You Making Decisions Based on Fear or Joy?

As summer rolls around, there will be lots of opportunities to do stuff.  It’s a nice feeling when we have time, choices, and a variety of opportunities in front of us, but just make sure you’re not making decisions based on the fear of missing out.

Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is when a person experiences anxiety at the thought of missing out on an exciting or interesting event.  Chances are, when people make decisions based on their fear of missing out, they aren’t thinking about how missing out might actually bring them joy.  Yes, there’s a term for that too!  JOMO = Joy of Missing Out.

Imagine on Friday night a bunch of your friends decide to get together at the new (and highly anticipated) restaurant in town.  You’ve heard the food is divine, and to top it off, this particular evening they have an award-winning cellist playing.  It all sounds great, but the reality is, you’ve worked hard all week and you’re dead-tired.  You have two choices.  Which wins?  FOMO or JOMO?  P.S. JOMO includes kicking up your feet in your favorite chair or couch, pajamas, and a good book or movie.  Unless you’re under the age of 35, I’m thinking most of us would seize the opportunity to embrace the joy of missing out.

Either way, a life in which we make decisions based on joy, as opposed to reacting to fear, is always a good choice.

So, as opportunities present themselves in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, try and run your decisions through your FOMO/JOMO filter.

The switch from FOMO to JOMO will be difficult for some, while others will find the transition easy and life-affirming.

One way to do this is learning to understand the underlying factors for your FOMO.  On the flip-side, it’s also important to understand what it is that brings you the most joy.

Following are a couple suggestions:

1.  Make a list of likes/priorities and dislikes/unimportant  

You know I’m big on getting things out on paper.  Some of my best thinking comes from brain-dumping and mind-mapping.  There’s such power in emptying your mind of all thoughts on a certain topic and then seeing them there in front of you in black and white.

So, get your paper out and divide it into two columns.

On the left side, write out what activities (including doing nothing) you value and get the most out of.  On this same column write out who (by name) is most important to you.  For example, if one of the activities you include as a priority is building relationships, then make sure to be clear on who or what type of person you would like to invest your time in.  If you don’t narrow it down, you may find yourself saying yes to things and people that meet your goal of building relationships, but in reality you’re investing your time and energy into the wrong people.

On the right side of your paper, write out things you don’t consider a valuable investment of your time.  Include the things you have a tendency to get sucked into, but that aren’t necessarily important to you.  Think about the things that you say yes to because of your fear of missing out.  You’re going to have to be real honest with yourself here.

2. Reflect on the causes for both your fears and joys.    

FEAR

Now that you’ve got this all down on paper, it’s time to understand what’s causing you fear of missing out on something.  Here are some possible reasons:

Fear of not being in the “know”.
Fear of not being invited again.
Fear of others experiencing things that you won’t.
Fear of being left out.
Fear of living a life that isn’t what people would expect from you.
Fear of disappointing others.  (Hand raised over here!  I’m a recovering people-pleaser and can attest to the hard work this takes to overcome.)

Whatever the reason for your fear of missing out, the key is to identify it and begin working toward eradicating it.  Sometimes all you’ll need is to identify the problem and make a decision to stop thinking or acting a certain way.  Other times, you’ll have to do some soul-searching and maybe even partake in counseling to overcome your fears.

JOY

Now, for the fun part!  Spend some time reflecting on what brings you joy.

Is it from spending time with people you love?  Your faith?  Wild experiences?  Helping others?  Spending time alone?  A hobby?  Your work?

You’ll find that when you frame your choices around doing that which brings you joy, any FOMO will be replaced with JOMO.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.”

The key to JOMO is being selective with who, what, where, and when you spend your time and attention.  Yes, you miss out on things, but you won’t mind because you’re CHOOSING JOY!

Have you experienced FOMO?  Do you think framing your decisions with the idea of JOMO will help you?  Please leave  a comment below, I’d love to hear from you.

Jill xx